Wimp vs. Warrior: Battle Royale

So I'm a day later than normal for posting. I am sure my reader will be very sad ;) but the 4th of July proved to be a drunken feast so I was tired and hungover yesterday, not feeling my most conversational. Besides, I had to assist Tcup with a very important top secret super special mission.

Onward and Upward they say...

Im sitting here trying to figure out what I want to write about. I talk about being unemployed, I talk about this, I talk about hobbits, I talk about that. Does anyone care? I have no idea really. I can only assume people are looking at my blog but maybe a few comments might boost my ego, make me feel like this was worth my time.

Aw screw it. This is totally worth my time and I enjoy doing it. I like my own voice, I like hearing my own voice. I like writing in my own voice so hopefully someone, somewhere is also enjoying it but is also choosing to remain silent. Cool beans.

So I want to talk about duality and the two sides (or more) of ourselves. I know of at least two aspects to me that are most pronounced. The Wimp and The Warrior.

Truth be told, I'm starting to freak out. I don't have that much money saved and I am at a loss as to where to apply for jobs and what jobs I should apply for because I want to be truthful here, I don't want just any old job right now. I want the "perfect" part time job that will pay me a shit load of money and give me time to write and write and write because what do I want to do when I grow up? I want to be a writer. I love sitting at my computer composing. I love dipping into secret worlds that only I know the truth of and letting it all spill out on "paper" and I want to share that with the world and I want the world to love me.

But here's the hard part - letting people read my words.

That terrifies me, to my very bones I fear letting someone read what I have to offer and having them go "Yeah. It's uh...good." and saying NOTHING else but that because, dear reader, that would be tantamount to a SUCKER PUNCH IN THE GONADS UTERUS (I don't have gonads so I had fix that a bit, you get the gist).

I know what I write isn't perfect, not even close, but I love it. I love every word, syllable and every character. So my fear is that someone else will hate them or just think them...OK. These words I write are not just words, words have power and these words are MINE, they are my soul, my heart, my very life's blood. It's where I can say exactly what I want to say, exactly how I want to say it. It's where I find my true voice.

So you can see how to share this voice would fill me with fear and dread. And this my friends, is THE WIMP!

Uh Oh...here comes that other side of the Juice...the side I really like cuz she kind of kicks some serious ass...here she comes, cover your ears and gird your loins! It's THE WARRIOR!

GET. OVER. IT. - yep, that's what she says. Get over it you damn fool. You will never ever make it work if you continue to hide and cower in fear. Move past the fear, do not let it conquer you and get your words out there.

And I listen to her cuz 9 times out of 10 she's right. She told me to quit my job and even though I sit here in fear and panic not sure what is going to happen I know she was right and that she will make sure that I'm taken care of and that I will not be homeless. She's the girl I need on my side when I meet a dude I like and am afraid of letting him know. She's the girl I need on my side at job interviews and she's the girl I need at my back when I submit my writing. The Warrior is in all of us, I have seen her rear her fancy head in all of my friends at one point or another and she is awesome. She can cause some trouble too and sometimes she is just an asshole but in the end, she gets shit done!

But The Wimp has her place as well. She keeps me from doing really stupid things (I can think of a few I won't summarize here cuz well, they're not my finest moments) and she keeps my head on straight but The Wimp gets annoying and The Wimp pisses me off but that's why we have these multiple aspects to our being, it's why we aren't black and white (no matter what Michael Jackson says). And in all truthiness, it's what makes us all so dang interesting because at any given moment, you never know what you are going to get (or who).

So here is my promise to you dear dear reader, I will submit a short story to some places today and I will send the first 30-40 pages of my book to my "readers" (a select few who's opinion's I love and trust) and I will not fear their commentary. I will not fear their ridicule, their praise or their dislike. I will stand tall and I will know that my words are my voice and my voice is clear and my voice is powerful. (Yee Haw!)

And as I bid you adieu I ask you this, do you have that other side of you? That warrior side that keeps you safe and helps you fight your battles?

In case you were wondering, this is what I imagine my Warrior looks like (on good days)...