Its cliched but true that death makes you re-evaluate everything in your life. Your job, your friends, your lovers, your family, anything and everything gets shoved under a microscope and you study it until your cross-eyed, exhausted and want to throw up.
And you start asking yourself questions that are really fucking hard to answer.
What is the point of my job other than money? Is it fulfilling me? Is it feeding my soul? Are my friends doing these things as well? Am I doing these things for my friends? Am I making a difference in anyone’s life? Why am I still single (if single), why cant I find the one? Why do I keep finding the ones who don’t want me? Where is “Mr. Right” and why isn’t there a “Mr. Right Now” available to comfort me when I am feeling this low?
And on and on and on it goes…a revolving door of tragic thoughts, maudlin wallowing and overwhelming life questions. None of it makes me feel better and none of it serves a purpose really except to remind me that my friends and family love me and I them. That my job is pointless and boring and doesn’t do anything except pay my bills and maybe that’s not enough for me anymore. That I need to find something fulfilling and I don’t know how to find it or what it is exactly. And that men will always elude, confuse and mystify me.
So I feel cross-eyed, exhausted and kind of like I want to barf.
But as these things do, it will all pass.
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