How was your summer? Mine was bizarre.

OK I realize that summer is not yet over, we still have many weeks of summer fun and warm weather but I was sitting here thinking about how people keep asking me "How's your summer going?" and I have no other answer than "Weirdly." Because that is the utter truth of it. My summer has been bizarre!

I have been mostly out of work now for almost 3 months with no signs of a job on the horizon. Luckily for me my old job has been in need of lots of help so that has kept me in a very modest income that makes me feel like 20% safer and more secure. But that safety net is about to run out soon and that TERRIFY's me. What the hell am I going to do? Because truth be told I kind of like being unemployed. Not the loneliness but the time to myself, the time to write my book and the time to relax a bit and rest. I havent been unemployed since I was in my teens and this is way scarier than that ever was (mostly because I lived with my parents and had no bills).

I am going to submit my application to become a substitute teacher but that takes time and what if they dont want me? I mean, lets face it, many employers don't seem to want to employ me. Whether it is because of my tattoo's or my lack or overabundance of experience I do not know. Just ONCE I would love it if a prospective employer would sit down and tell me WHY they didn't want to hire me so I could work on whatever it is that they don't like and possibly get hired.

I think the other issue is that I don't just want "any old job" I want to do something that MATTERS for once in my life. If I am not going to get married or have kids then I need to have a career that makes me happy. Now, I'm not saying I have this plan to not get married or have kids but as each year passes that life slips further and further from my grasp and while it makes me sad I am also making my peace with it and realizing that having a mate does not mean everything. I have a life FULL of love from family and good good friends so I can be satisfied with that.

If I have a career that makes me happy as well.

So I write my book and hope it doesnt suck (so far my "readers" have said its pretty good) and I start Yoga Teacher Training in a couple weeks so that is exciting for me and possibly I am embarking on a world of Substitute Teaching where I can hang out with kids and be tortured by them but also know that this is something I might really like to do (cuz it feels right ya know?).

So I sit here typing and I hope for the best because whatever else goes on with me, I know I made the right decision to leave my job and jump into the abyss. If nothing else goes the way I plan that was the best decision I ever made. But I don't think things will go "off plan" I think the universe is hanging with me right now, holding on to me and letting me have this time to do the things I need to do to make the life I want.

Thats all I have this week. Much love, sunshine, funky dance moves, my most serious face and passion for you all.